This post isn’t really controversial or biblical, I just wanted to share this story. I found this past weekend to be an appropriate time to do it, as the wife and I attended the funeral of friend’s brother. It wasn’t unexpected, but loss is loss. We all experience loss differently, just as we all grieve differently. When you experience loss, just remember that you aren’t alone. Find someone you trust to help you through the grieving process and to help you find an outlet for grief. And remember, even if you aren’t a Christian, that Jesus also wept for the loss of His friend.      

In today’s culture, we aren’t typically prepared for the death of a loved one. We don’t have wakes, we don’t discuss funeral plans until much later in life, and we just try to ignore our mortality, etc. Popular culture, often times puts death in the background, or always finds a way to reverse death. Movies that have generally been geared towards children over the last decade, have especially been bad about this. Frozen II is the one that often comes to my mind. Elsa ends up dying and Anna freaks out, finds the strength to move on and be strong, and then she is awarded with a healthy and living sister by the end. I remember this movie the most, because it was one of the last movies I saw in theaters with my whole family. I lost my dad two years later and found myself having to do the “next right thing”. My next right thing was trying to finish school while grieving, knowing that my dad wasn’t going to see me enter into my new career while also staying strong for my family. He was so proud that I was getting into gunsmithing and that I finally found what I wanted to do.

            Here is the story of my dad’s dying (I feel like we use passing too often).

January 10, 2021:

            10:30 pm: Dad got up from his puzzle to go to bed. He felt a little light headed so he moved into the living room to sit in his recliner. He experienced pain in his neck that he hadn’t felt before. He told Mom that he didn’t feel right and they started getting him ready to go to the hospital. For those of you who don’t know my dad, he didn’t go to the hospital for anything and could handle most pain. He got stitches from the urgent care a few times without the local anesthetic because to him it would hurt just as bad to get stitched. I remember one time he drilled into his thumbnail to relieve pressure from a blood blister.

            11:00 pm(ish): they arrived at the hospital. Sometime later they were admitted into a room and the staff began testing to see what was going on. Scans, bloodwork, etc. They were finishing all of this up by 3:00am.

January 11, 2021        

~3:00 am: Dad is being discharged. The doctors only found a compressed disc in his back, which wasn’t anything to be worried about. I think we already knew about it. He had suffered from back pain for a long time. I think Mom was in the room with him getting the discharge information. Dad was buttoning up his shirt while the staff gave instructions and he collapsed right there on the bed. At some point Mom called my wife’s phone and told us my dad stopped breathing. We woke up, I was coming out of the stupors of sleep, got dressed, grabbed a go bag, and Wife started driving us from our home in Tolar to the Hospital in Fort Worth. I really don’t remember much of that drive.

3:30 am: We were listening to hymns while driving and ‘It is Well with my Soul’ came on. I don’t know why, but I felt at that point that Dad was gone. I cried for an unknown amount of time.

~4:00 am: Wife and I arrive at the hospital and get taken to “the room”. I don’t remember what it’s called, but I call it the counsel room. For those of you who haven’t experienced this yet, it’s the room where they take people for privacy when things go wrong. For some reason, part of me didn’t fully understand what was going on. Mom was crying, my sister was balling, and I didn’t really read the room when I walked in. Part of me was expecting dad to be in a room and we were waiting to see what would happen and we would all go home in a few hours.

Unknown time am: I went and saw dad’s body lying on the table with a tube sticking out of his mouth (COVID procedure was to leave the deceased intubated). I got closer. I don’t know why, but his closed eyes reminded me of when he would nap when I was a kid. His left eyelid was just slightly more open than the right. I couldn’t really see the eye or anything, it was just how his eye lids were. I wanted so bad to just tell him to wake up, and part of me told me he would if I did. The rest of that week was a fog.

Things I learned through all of this:

• Our days are already numbered, you can’t extend them.
• Always hug your family, and tell them you love them.
• DoorDash gift cards are fantastic to give when someone experiences loss; the casseroles and other meals don’t last very long.
• Make sure you have a will, or at the least a rough version of one.
• Discuss your desires for your funeral/interment.
• Not everyone cries the same, or at the same time, and that’s okay
• There should be funeral planners like there are wedding planners
• If the funeral doesn’t go as expected, find a bright side. Dad’s funeral was three hours long and I have now called it the Three Hour Tour in memory of one of Dad’s favorite shows, Gilligan’s Island.
• If you think you have enough memory and battery for recording, it might not be enough. (See the above point)

Being a follower of Christ really does give a hope for the future.